I've been wanting to document my journey for awhile, but didn't really know how to go about it. My mom has been pushing me to write a journal for months, so with a lot of pondering, I've decided to start a blog. Mostly to help others suffering from the same thing.
My journey began in January 2012. I remember that whole month just not feeling "right." I was tired, my feet hurt, I was getting headaches everyday, my vision was blurred and I was popping Pepto chewables like they were candy. I finally went to a doctor, who was throwing out words like MS, brain tumors and MRI's. I told her I had a tick bite back in November and that I wanted to be tested for Lyme Disease before I considered those options. She of course told me it was highly unlikely I had it, but said she would do a blood test anyway. Unfortunately it takes a week to get results back, so I left still wondering what the heck was wrong with me.
3 days later I ended up in the ER due to whole right side of my body going numb, and feeling so sick I wanted to die. After talking to the doctor, he told me I was "having a panic attack and it was highly unlikely I had Lyme Disease."
He sent me home with nasal spray.
Freaking nasal spray.
2 days later, I finally got the call I was waiting for. I tested POSITIVE for Lyme Disease. I was relieved that I could finally get to the bottom of it and start feeling normal again. I was prescribed 1 month of Doxy and told I would be cured by that.
Well...not so much.
Months went by and I was still not feeling like myself. I finally decided to go to Idaho for a few weeks of treatment, which was all IV, and all natural. I heard a lot of positive stories and I was feeling very optimistic that I would have a full recovery after going there. I finished my 2 week course and headed back home with a bag full of supplements. At one point I was taking 43 pills a day which was slowly becoming exhausting and annoying.
On top of all of this, I found out I was cast to be on one of the biggest reality shows on TV. The show was aware that I had Lyme Disease at the first of the year, but they thought I had made a full recovery. And in some weird way, I was in denial and wanted to believe that I had, too. I think that is why I hung in there for so long. But I finally couldn't hang on any longer and had to back out 6 days before I was supposed to fly out to LA for filming. I knew in my heart I wouldn't be able to handle feeling the way I felt.
I was completely devastated, frustrated, and mad that I was dealing with this stupid disease and that it was taking amazing opportunities from me and especially taking over my life. The poor producer of the show sat on the phone with me and had to console me for 15 minutes after I told her I couldn't do it. I am still kind of embarrassed over how big of a baby I was :) Luckily she was very understanding, and gave me hope for other opportunities down the road.
Long story short, I started another round of Doxy and just finished my second month last week. Unfortunately I have not seen much of an improvement, so I am looking for other options. Luckily I live in an area where there are a lot of amazing, smart doctors that specialize in Lyme, so I have faith that I will be cured. Friday I have an appointment in Valhalla, NY with an Infectious Disease specialist who I hope, has the answers for me. Fingers crossed.
I never thought in a million years I would be going to Valhalla for medical treatment. If anything, I dreamed of going there since I was a little girl because I wanted to put flowers on my grandpas grave. Kind of crazy how things work out.
I guess my biggest struggle with this disease is trying to go on with normal life. I don't want people to feel bad for me, but I want to be understood. I don't want people to think of me as some sickly person, but I want them to understand I am not who I used to be. I guess its a fine line. I am looking forward to the day where I will feel normal again and I don't call my mom in tears on a daily basis (sorry mom). I've decided this is my struggle in life and that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I was supposed to get Lyme Disease so I could help someone else. And if that is the case, then I am ok with it.
“Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.” -Gordon B. Hinckley
I am going to press forward and keep the faith. :) Until then, I'll keep this little blog updated on my journey. And you can also follow my Facebook page: